Q. Can I eMail you?
A. Yes, paul [at] coletti dot co dot uk

Q. Where are you?
A. London

Q. I thought you were in Edinburgh?
A. Nah, moved down south permanently in ’06.

Q. Can I come and stay with you for free when the rugby/olympics/football/film festival is on?
A. No, unless you’re a Kylie look-alike with the brains of Kirsty Wark. Or, come to think about it, a Kirsty Wark look-alike with the brains of Kylie.

Q. I loooove your work!! Could you please send me an autographed free recording of English Music for Viola?
A. Sigh. I’m a gonna say this only once. I am not Paul Coletti the famous viola player. The only recording you are likely to get from me is an irate 3-second clip of myself repeating this sentence.

Jan ’07 update! Very special thanks to Maria Wheeler of Hitchin, UK for her quite frankly stunningly in-depth genealogical work. Paul C (viola maestro and Maria’s brother) is in fact the son of Paul C’s (me) grandfather’s cousin Luigi. There is talent in my family after all!

Q. What’s happened to that posey image you had on your old site?
A. I don’t have the time right now to get into how to update this WordPress theme so that I can display my photo neatly in the top-left without messing up everything.

Q. Haven’t I seen you on the BBC website somewhere?
A. Possibly. From time to time the good folks on World Have your Say — the globe’s finest talk-show — let me post on their blog. If you’re not familiar with the BBC World Service then go here to get acquainted.

Q. Don’t you work for Novell? I’m sure I’ve seen you in The Port O’Call in Salt Lake City?

A. Yes. I used to work for Novell, the world’s finest Open Source Company and one of the many perks was trips to Utah and of course we often visited Salt Lake’s finest pub. I also authored several articles for Novell back in the days when proprietary software was their thang. See ‘Articles & Interviews.’

Q. You surf?
A. Try to.

Q. What boards you got?
A. 9ft 2 Stewart Hydrohull Longboard which ain’t much use on the steep waves of the Hebs unless you like the taste of a fibreglass/tooth enamel mixture. It’s more at home down on the south coast of the UK in Cornwall. Also have an 8ft Bob Margett-designed Mad Dog Mal-hybrid which I bought in Byron – light as hell and about as stable as an African dictator with an abscess, not good for learning on but somehow I did.

Jan ’05 update! New board purchased 2nd hand last week from a dodgy geezer in Byron Bay. It’s a 6ft 6 Billabong (one of their new Dylan-L collection released last year). I’m not ready for a shortboard so I did the only sensible thing and took it to Lennox Head, home to Australia’s gnarliest right hander. I got eaten alive but somehow sand and salt water never tasted so good!

Jan ’08 update! The Mad Dog has been retired to a warm home in Queensland where the next Kelly Slater (my nephew) will possibly take to it like a fish.

Q. What is your privacy policy?
A. All eMails sent to this site will be maintained in the strictest confidence. Paul Coletti nor any of his affiliates will ever sell or loan your details to a third party.

Q. I’m a global spammer and I want to buy your contact database from you?
A. Phone me. NOW!