Croc Bomber!

A chilling new development in suicide belt technology from those crafty Palestinians . . .

. . . as if guards on just about any middle eastern border patrol didn’t have enough to handle. I mean, if you’re a twitchy, nervous, 18-year-old on your first tour patrolling the barbed wire along Syria/Israel/Iraq/Egypt and your commander tells you to watch out for bulky, overly-clad women acting strangely with wires poking out their attire then the last thing you want is some lass with three crocodiles strapped to her torso trying it on.

The way I see it several things could go wrong here:

1. The string holding the crocs mouths shut comes undone.

2. One or more crocs slip off your torso and fall to the ground out the bottom of your skirt/dress/burqa.

3. An inquisitive guard frisks you and on touching the croc’s body assumes you are a wealthy Arab from an oil-rich state with incredibly ostentatious taste in animal-skin lingerie.

  • Option 1. is all round bad: bad for the woman; bad for the guards and probably not good for the croc.
  • Option 2. Given that superstition is still widespread in the middle east then this scenario could result in the border guards thinking you’d just given birth to a lizard-boy and could lead to either yourself or the croc being shot on the spot. Although, if this were to happen you could turn it to your advantage, collapse to your knees and thank the guards for ridding you of the evil spawn that had been gestating inside you. They might even give you a lift home in their air-conditioned SUV. You arrive safely with a smirk on your face and two of your reptile payload intact!
  • Option 3. seems to have no benefits apart from confirming the guard’s prejudices about the sheer stupidity of the super wealthy.

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